Rollercoaster Ride




This week was a rollercoaster ride.

Monday after I posted my blog, I was feeling re-invented, or re-inspired. Instead of telling you what I did with that motivation, I’m going to give a little play by play to show  just exactly what I mean by a roller coaster ride.

Monday,  Monday, I was feeling good. I got my AM workout in, I ate clean all day, with no cheats. I went to bed feeling accomplished, and ready for the rest of the week.

Until Tuesday  morning came, and I slept through my alarm..well if I’m being honest alarm(s),(there’s about 6) and missed the gym in the morning. I forgave myself after a few moments of mental anguish. I gave myself a verbal promise to appear (at the gym that evening ) . After that was resolved, I quickly fell back asleep and on with my day. My food  was on point, again, but as worked dragged on I slowly conceded with myself that  no working out that would be done that day. And that my friends, is called a rest day.

Wednesday, the tiger came back out of the cage. I got two hours in the morning, ate clean all day, and then I even did some cardio after work. Felt great and on a mission.

Thursday– wasn’t as aggressive as Wednesday, but still on track. Nothing special about Thursday.

Friday-Overslept again. Was about to have another “rest day” but decided to go for a run instead before work. It felt good to run outside, also felt a bit like the tin man without oil. Will work on that.

Okay, so Friday night is like the part of the rollercoaster ride when you are on that slow incline,  there may have been a few dinky drops, or twists or turns, but the week has been leading up to that tallest peak, ready to go downhill.

Friday night, I committed a felony. Okay, so I just ate pasta. It felt so wrong, but so right. For anyone whos been on a no carb diet for an extended period of time, please tell me you know how this feels. I felt like I was going to be put in handcuffs at any moment.

You also know the feeling when you do something wrong but, there’s no repercussions so you do it again. That we can call Saturday Night. My acts of indiscretion continued. Before you know it, I was eating the rolls on the table that restaurants like to taunt you with (a boobie trap I had successfully avoided for months.) I was eating my hot dogs and cheeseburgers with buns (taboo *shudder*). I even indulged in a few summertime cocktails, and had a dessert that wasn’t a slice of watermelon.

And guess what. I don’t even feel that bad about it.  (Side note: I don’t know if this is good or bad yet). I reminded myself that I worked hard this week, I didn’t stop working out, and it was Fourth of July weekend. I am human, and even though it may feel like it, indulging a tad isn’t criminal. (Tad is subject to your own discresion, right?)

Now I sit here on Monday night during this reflection, and I am ready to get back on track for the rest of the week. I am okay with a rollercoaster ride once in a while, but I don’t want to make it a habit. So my alarm is set for tomorrow, and I am going to get back after it the best I can. (This weeks focus, don’t blow it all the weekend. Got it).

And I may or may not have a scoop of ice cream before I set that alarm. I may not have grasped this whole balance thing, but I swear I am getting closer.

–until next week.







On making comebacks, lessons learned, and fresh starts

It’s been almost 6 months since my last post. 6 months way over due.

I made this blog almost two years ago to hold myself accountable on my weight loss journey.And what a journey its been. I’ve had my ups and downs, highs and lows. But that’s what makes it a journey. My highs were easy to talk about. My struggles and obstacles were always present, but I always found a positive spin. God, I was annoyingly positive sometimes.

But this time, this blog is hard to write—I’m not sharing my tips, my triumph through a hard time , monthly goals, or boasting about progress. This is about being real.

I’ve gained nearly 20 pounds back that I have worked so hard to lose. Pounds I swore I’d never see again.


Slowly my work pants that were too loose months ago, slowly began to feel tight again. Summer clothes I was proud to wear and fit into last year are no longer flattering. Bathing suit shopping, dress shopping, and shopping in general have become full of headaches and heartache again.

I lost (well misplaced) my passion for working out. My endurance lowered, my strength weakened, and my drive diminished. I feel like the 230 pound me with no confidence, and sad on inside. And once again, I was always last in gym class.

For the past few weeks I’ve given little fight to battle these inner demons. I’ve felt regretful, defeated, unmotivated, and foolish. I am my own worst critic and have been hard on myself for this gain. I couldn’t get passed the lost time and kept thinking about what I “could’ve done” or where I “could’ve been”. Compliments from people who hadn’t seen me in a while would make me shudder. “Look good?” I’d internally panic and think,”If only they knew how much I weighed this morning, or how tight my pants are right now.”

I spent one two many nights crying  and whining (mostly to my mother, because Mom’s have to listen to that stuff) about how its not fair that I have to work so hard to keep weight off and others are naturally thin. How “others” seem to enjoy life without micro-analyzing every carb, serving size, and calorie like I do. How people can indulge without guilt. I spent way too much time and energy feeling sorry for myself.

But then I realized. Life happens. I enjoyed most of the time I spent gaining those pounds and worse things happen in life than gaining weight. My health is still in tact. There is no damage that can’t be undone. I realized that I took control when I wanted to lose weight two years ago, and was successful. All’s I have to do is take back control again.

I also realized I could take back control and still enjoy life. Moderation is something I have always struggled with and something I probably always will. Just like I will always have to be conscientious about eating right and exercising. I used to think if I got down to my “goal weight” I’d be happy and then could go back to eating how I used to or having pizza every day. But the reality is this is a lifelong  fight, and coming to that realization is half the battle. I have realized also that I feel my best when I’m in shape and eating healthy (funny how that is).

I won’t always be motivated. I won’t always pass up a slice of pizza for a salad. But when I am motivated I will grab the bull by the horns and run with it. Life is about balance. And what’s life without pizza once in a while anyway?

SO. I’m back to basics. Back to holding myself accountable. Back on track. Back to making goals. And back to writing.

Stayed tuned for my Monday weekly blogs =). And if you made it this far I sincerely thank you. Also–check me out on Instagram–Foreverlastingymclass


This is everything.


Challenge yourself



It’s me…

Just kidding.. It’s been a while since I’ve written anything. And the reason is probably due to the fact I’ve lost motivation lately. I could blame it on the holidays, but it’s almost half way through January and that excuse is just about expired.

So I’ve been trying to re-inspire myself. Put a little oil in the engine, and get fired up again.

I’m determined to lose these last 30 pounds.( only 30, right? Ugh) But how? The lightbulb went off when I remembered, “Hey, you can do it, you’ve done this before!” So I just asked myself instead of “what are you going to do?” I asked “what did you do before.” And yeah, I talk to myself a lot.

So I started to re-read my old blog posts, because hey, I did make this blog for my own accountability, and man, 230 pound me was awfully motivating if I do say so myself. She was positive, had drive, willpower, and a pretty darn good sense of humor. And nothing got in her way.

When I first started my weight loss journey, I jumped right into Crossfit (my saving grace) shortly thereafter the Whole Life Challenge. It’s pretty much 8 weeks of eating Paleo(ish) combined with focus on creating life habits as well ie: sleep, drinking water, stretching, meditation, ect. (If you wanna know more go here  —->Here)

Let me tell you, those changes were hard to make at first and were a complete 180 of how I’d been living for the previous, well, 22 years. But even after I finished and rejoiced with some cheese and bread (both WLC no-no’s) I found that a lot of the habits I developed stuck with me.

So, if you haven’t guessed already by now, I decided to do another WLC with some of my fellow Crossfitters. Honestly, just signing up made me feel better. I know I will face challenges this time around  but I am more determined than ever to succeed.

I’ve learned especially in my own case, If you don’t challenge yourself, you can’t change yourself. I always have to stay on my toes and make sure I devote time to doing things outside of my comfort zone because its so easy to slip into bad habits and remain stagnant. Sometimes I just need an extra push. That’s why these challenges are a good way for me to stay outside my comfort zone, and also have accountability,

In 8 weeks, you’ll probably find me rejoicing again (again with lots of cheese and bread) but until then I am ready to bust my ass.

The most important lesson I’ve learned thus far is that mindset is everything. When you put negative thoughts away and start to believe in yourself, it’s amazing what you can accomplish.




On “no scale November”, cheesecake, and starting over on Monday’s


It is Sunday evening, the very end of this long and fulfilling Thanksgiving weekend, and I find myself in bed eating a slice of caramel cheesecake. I never even liked cheesecake, and now all the sudden I cannot get enough. Why can’t this happen with something else, like Brussel sprouts? Okay, aside from the cheesecake, I’ve made some other revelations this month, which I will get to, eventually.

After my gym challenge ended on the 9th, these past three weeks have been a ‘No scale’ November.  I have not weighed myself in three weeks. I cannot tell you how liberating, and also how scary that is. At the end of my challenge I decided I needed to take a step back a second, and just enjoy life. I was obsessing over numbers, calories, and especially that darn scale. I was weighing myself multiple times a day, and upset over losing “only” 16 pounds in 8 weeks.

But my version of  “just enjoying life” was an all out binge. One cheat meal turned into weeks.While these past few weeks have been a blast, I definitely am feeling the repercussions of my actions. Feeling it in the, my pants are getting snug kind of way. It was nice enjoying French fries, pizza, bread, and pasta so freely when I had been avoiding them for months.  And alcohol, alcohol was fun too. But I definitely do not feel good. I feel bloated, sluggish, and tired. And  that means it’s time to get back on the clean eating band wagon. Yeah, I know I already admitting I am in bed eating cheesecake, but naturally, I am “starting Monday”.

But something is different about this Monday. This Monday, for once, has nothing to do with the scale. I’m not quite how much damage I’ve done number wise, but this time the scale is not a  motivating factor. Also, I am not burdened by this guilt I normally place on myself for being “bad”. This time I am solely am motivated this time by a desire to feel good.

I’ve decided to make an effort to not be as extreme, and to try to find a nice middle ground. I am not going to stay on this wild path, especially since I’ve  worked so hard; but I am also not going to limit myself so strictly. In the past, I’ve either been  hyper focused and obsessed with the scale, or I am balls to the wall gorging on the Hungry man special. Moderation, is clearly not my strong suit. But, thankfully, I have some great will power so that has got to count for something.

This journey has been a wild ride. My goals, and methods of achieving my goals are changing, and that’s okay. I am loving this lifestyle, and loving not only losing weight, but also in turn, I am also finding out how to love myself. Keeping the motto “it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon” close to my heart and taking things one day at a time. And that’s my thoughts for tonight.

Food for thought: Unhealthy Vs. Fat

So here’s a topic that bothers me. Being unhealthy vs. being fat.

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I’ve been overweight for most of my life. I’ve always been fat. Now, there’s no reason to sugar coat it. It just is. I’m not tall, I’m not skinny. I am short and I am fat. These are facts.  Being fat describes a physical quality of you, and has nothing to do with what kind of person you are so I’ve learned to not be offended by it and also not to pretend that it is not true. That being said, often times people use this word with the intent to harm or offend the person they are calling fat. But it shouldn’t be a word we are scared of or avoid. We might as well embrace it. I learned to.

It also has nothing to do with your health. Nothing, to do with your health. I have never had any significant health problems. I have great blood pressure, and never have been told I am pre-diabetic.No sickness I have had has been related to my excess pounds. But when people look at a fat person, they assume they are unhealthy.  Thinness is equated often with health, and many cases that is just not true. In fact, I know many thin people who are quite unhealthy. Also many fat people. Size has nothing to do with it.

So why do I bring it up? I was talking to a really good friend this morning, and they were telling me how great they thought I looked in a recent picture they saw of me. At first I was flattered and graciously accepted the complement, until they went on to say, “If it was this time last year, you would have been the most unhealthy one in that picture, and now look at you!”

Now, I know they meant well and no harm.  They probably were thinking of a nice way to say “Hey, you don’t look half as fat as you did last year” which of course is great to hear, but not commonly uttered. Fat is a word people are afraid to use in fear of offending.  But honestly,I was offended by the alternative. I would have rather they said that if it was last year, I’d be much ” fatter, bigger, heavier, larger, ect”.   Or simply, “you look awesome, keep it up!” Not the unhealthiest, because the later just isn’t true.

It just struck a cord with me, and made me realize how false some perceptions really are and how you really can’t judge people by outward appearances. That when you meet a person you have no idea what battles they are fighting or what they are going through. It made me wonder if I had every said anything similar with good intentions, without realizing the effect it might have on that person. Really makes you think, and for me makes me think about choosing my words a little more carefully.

Next time someone tells me I’m “fat”,  I’d kindly thank them for pointing out the obvious.  Next time someone calls me unhealthy, I’ll just politely correct them. And that folks, is  my food for thought of the day.

October Goals


Holyyyyyy.(Expletive) I can’t believe its October already. Seriously September came and went. Now that it is October there are only 3 more months until 2016. 2015 has been a pretty amazing year for me, but I still want to use up these next 3 months the best that I can. I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet and wait for January to come feeling regret and just making my annual resolutions.

Summer is over and fall is here. A new month means a fresh start and a blank slate, so I wanted to make a goal list to get me focused for the next 31 days. Goes like this..

  1. Try new recipes-   I am always looking at recipes online, or Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, you name it. Now sometimes it’s something that tortures me like those Buzzfeed videos about grilled cheese sandwiches made out of bacon tater tot bread, or something wild like that. But most of the time I am looking at fun, easy, healthy recipes. Then I get home, and I make the same old boring dinner. I want to stop being lazy in the kitchen, and start actually trying them!
  2. Reach my 10,000 steps a day goal everyday. Ever since I started wearing my Fitbit again, I have realized that because I spend the majority of my day sitting down at work, it is hard to stay active during the day.Having the Fitbit definitely pushes me to make moves, and get those steps in. Taking the stairs, doing random laps, pacing in my room when I’m not there yet at 10:30 p.m., you know any bit helps.)
  3. More cardio. I’ve been pretty good at making it to Crossfit in the mornings before work 4-5 days a week, but slacking on my cardio.  When I was adding cardio at night a few times a week I really started seeing results. Since  I am at a standstill, time to amp things up again.
  4. Weighing myself less. Not seeing results in a while on the scale (Months, people, it has been MONTHS!) has been really frustrating for me. I have decided I am only going to weigh myself one a week, and since I have biweekly weigh ins for the Edge challenge on Mondays, I will only weigh in on Mondays. Getting off the scale means focusing on non scale victories. Loose clothes, gains in the gym, and feeling good are all non scale victories I welcome.
  5. Spend less money on food. I want to spend less money on eating out, meaning planning out my meals and grocery shopping better.  Skipping the Dunkin Drive in and making my coffee before work,keeping snacks on me at all times, and prepping my meals, ect. All these little things that add up.Saving money and eating right go hand and hand. In my case, I definitely need to focus on both.
  6. Write more. I want to stay active with this blog, and write more than one post a month, or every couple months. I need accountability. I also want to start posting recipes I find and workouts to do at home. Venting about my struggles, and also celebrating my victories, and hopefully inspiring some people along the way. I mean, that’s what this is for right?

So, there you have it. My October Goals. If you guys have any, share them! If you don’t I highly encourage you to make some. What do you need to focus on?Make this next 31 days the best you can.

Ps.Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram- foreverlastingymclass.  Comments/ questions/ feedback is appreciated, as well as kicks in the butt if I get off track. Stay tuned and as always thanks for reading. =)

A rant on hitting plateaus, losing focus, and lame excuses.




Okay  the point of this blog was to hold myself accountable and to actually follow through with my goals. So it is time for me to fess up. It is easy to write this blog when things are good, and not so easy when I don’t have much good news to report. I dreaded writing this but I need to get my groove back. I set out on a mission in January and for a while I was kicking ass, and taking names. (Pardon my French.) It wasn’t easy but I was consistent, motivated, and my mind was in the right place.

My birthday came and I was at my goal for my birthday, which was my best present to myself thus far. My next goal was only 30 pounds away! I thought it would be cake, considering I had already lost 70 pounds. Then summer came. I started to veer off the path a little, allowing myself to cheat way more often, and slowly gaining back bad habits. And suddenly I went from hitting a bump in the road, to a pothole, which landed me in a ditch.

Fortunately, I stayed consistent with my exercise. But I still managed to gain 10 pounds, 10 stupid pounds that I must have forgotten how hard those nasty things are to work off. It just proves to me once again how important nutrition is and how you cant out exercise a bad diet.

I don’t regret the fun I had this summer, but I regret a lot of choices I made. Now that September is here I am ready to get back on track. Of all the obstacles I’ve faced on this journey, my still number one enemy is my own mind. But once its in the right place I know I can accomplish anything. So for the next two months instead of partying or eating things I am not supposed to on the weekends, I have strategically signed myself up for almost every 5k around. (Okay, this may be an exaggeration but I feel I am signed up for quite a few.)And to kick things off, I have a Spartan super to run on Sunday. I wanted badly to have the trifecta this year, but I am just not ready this year. 2016 will be my Spartan year. I pray.

Also, I have signed up for the next Edge Challenge which begins Monday. Nothing gets me going more than a good challenge, so I am hoping armed with my new goals, and a new eating plan I will start seeing results again.

Old me would have quit when things got hard. Old me would have given up or blamed other things or people. But I am no longer that person. I am all out of excuses. I am taking full responsibility for this one and going to make it my mission to not let myself fail this time just because I’ve gotten off track.  As in all things in life, It does not do well to dwell on mistakes of the past. But, it very important to learn from them and to use them to make better choices in the future.

There are still 4 months left in 2015, and I’m ready to make them count.




Last night I attended a goal setting event at my crossfit gym, (or box if you are hardcore). I went in feeling nothing but unsure and a little malaise lately about my fitness journey. I have felt old habits and self-doubt creeping back at me. We all hit bumps and go through hard times, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up.  So in an attempt to refocus on my fitness journey, I took my coach up on the offer of a goal setting session. I expected the meeting to be straight forward: creating goals in the gym and making plans to achieve them. Maybe some clean eating tips. Get a goodnight’s rest All the things I know now but always need a reminder now and again. Basically, I thought it was going to be about how to make “gains”.   It quickly became so much more.

Led by one of the coaches, and with wisdom from the owner, we sat and discussed our goals, our fears, and our obstacles. I spent an earlier part of the day trying to decide what my “goals” were or what I would ask for help on. Ideas started to flood in. Should I ask about cleans or double unders? How about hand stand push-ups or pull-ups. All of them? Or maybe I’d stick to just a couple. I decided on waiting until I got there to decide.

I was surprised at which direction the conversation went and how my feelings and goals shifted in a new direction. How refreshing it was to be surrounded by people who had the same quesitons, problems, and concerns as you. We went from criticizing ourselves…hating our arms, not losing weight fast enough or at all. To not seeing any progress in the gym. To failing to meal prep and eat healthy. To giving into peer pressure and temptation. To concerns about our health as we got older. After some light was shed and such topics discussed,  people began to become more concerned about how to be healthy, how to make and gage progress, and how to become more confident.

I felt my true concerns surfacing.  I quickly realized I had much  different goals in mind than I had come in with.  Instead thinking about moves in the gym I couldn’t do, I was thinking about outside the gym goals. Goals I have of becoming confident, healthy, happy, fit.

I thought a lot about what was holding me back from achieving my goals. With help from my guides, I realized a lot of what was harming me was my own my self-esteem issues. Like how to deal with people who don’t support my goals, how to look out for my best interests, how to stop beating myself up, lack of  confidence, worrying too much about what others think, comparing myself to others. These are the things weighing me down mentally everyday, in addition to my excess pounds. All the issues that are much more important than mastering double unders. Sure I still have gym goals, but my new longer term goals of health, happiness, and confidence, will take me down a longer an more rewarding path.

We all have things that weigh us down, and try and stop us from achieving goals, but once we get to the root of the problem, its then we can take the steps to get rid of it. And if you don’t know how, find people with similar interests and goals, and ask for help!

I left that gym feeling inspired and determined. I challenge anyone who reads this to think about their own goals and to stop and take a step back to see if they are doing the right things to achieve them. If you don’t have a goal, make one. If there is baggage in your way, find a way to get rid of it. Stop BEATING YOURSELF UP. Believing you can do something is half the battle. We are our own worst enemies when we think “we can’t” or focus on the negatives. There is always a positive, and there is always a way to reach our goals if we are willing to believe in ourselves and push out of your comfort level.  Life is too short not to live it for anyone but yourself.  Find what makes you happy, and do it regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Set goals, and crush them y’all.

well, uh, hello July.

June was a wicked fast month, am I right? Reflecting back on my June goals I’ll be pretty honest, I did not stick with most of them. This blog is to hold myself accountable, so I guess its time to fess up. I did not lose 6 pounds, I didn’t run as much as I should have, and I definitely slacked on meal prep and supplements.  With combination of vacation, the end of 6 month gym challenge, temptations at work, and family parties, I kinda went a little wild. Now at least I didn’t stop working out completely and eat Mcdonalds’ every day,  so there’s that.

And while it’s honest hour, I have to admit I’m not mad about it. I’m on this journey for me, and nobody else.  So if I want to indulge a little on vacation or on holidays, I’m going to.  My new outlook is so different and enlightening. In my past weight loss efforts, I would restrict myself so much because I’d feel like “Oh, I can’t do that, or I can’t have that.” I’d make myself miserable, and envious of others partaking in things I felt I was “missing out on”. Then my hangriness, (angry-ness due to being hungry) and jealousy (yes, getting jealousy over watching people eat  food you want to eat but can’t have or you will gain 5 pounds is a thing) would lead me to feeling depressed then I’d end up binging on it instead of giving in to one small indulgence.. One bad meal would send me spiraling. Now this happens less and less.  I’ve finally been able to find some balance . . I wouldn’t say I am completely cured from this ongoing battle with food, but I’d like to think I finally got the upper hand.

Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t pleased about my results this month, but its not the end of the world and there is no point in beating myself up about it. I know I can stick back to my healthy regime and get rid of those pesky few pounds that crept back on. I know I can do it this time, because I’ve done it before. I’ve already proved myself wrong, and just believing you can do something, let me tell you,  is a crazy, wonderful feeling.

This set back  made me realize the truth of how important nutrition and diet are to weight loss. You can exercise 2 hours a day, but if you don’t fuel your body right, you won’t yield results. You really can’t  out-exercise a bad diet, and there is no magic pill that makes you skinny. People always ask me what I did to lose weight. When I tell them I just eat healthy, and workout, most of them look disappointed. They seem to want more, but there is no secret or magic to it. It requires constant dedication, consistancy, and determination. You put the work in, eat the right foods, and you will get results. Something that sounds so incredibly simple, but anyone who’s ever tried to lose weight before can tell you, it’s anything but easy.

So I am not where I wanted to be, but I won’t let this bump keep me from achieving my goals or slipping  back into my old bad habits. I’ve already come so far, and I am never going back.  This is a commitment to a lifestyle change, not a diet after all. So after falling, just going to shake it off, and keep on going.I may have  been moving a snails pace compared to a lion’s, but I am going forward not backward.  I don’t mind taking my time to where I want to be.  However, I do want to make my goal by the end of the year so I by no means am going to be slacking.

As for July goals, I am going to try and just redeem June.  Follow my Instagram– foreverlastingymclass and yell at me if I’m not staying on track. Also if you are reading this.. THANK YOU =)

June Goals


Woah there, where did May go?! I can’t believe its June already! Back in January I set out on a mission to lose the extra weight that had been holding me down, and its June and I’m still going ! It still amazes me how long I’ve stayed consistent this time. 45 pounds lost, and to hopefully never be found again. Now accountability time, I have been slacking the past 4 weeks, partly because I was injured from my car accident which slowed my workout groove down.

I can either get discouraged by my bump in the road, and dwell on lost time and progress, or I can choose to focus on the positives. I’m going to gravitate towards the light on this one and re-focus my perspective. On the positive side, I am okay, and almost fully recovered. I also didn’t let my limited exercise give me an excuse to slack completely on nutrition, and by doing so I am happy that I did not gain any weight. In the past, I may have used slip this as an excuse to give up sit on the couch with some pizza, and throw myself a pity party. Thankfully,  I fought all those urges and and old habits that tried to creep up on me.

Now that I’m back to myself, and mobile again, (hooray!) I am ready to kick it back into gear for my weight-loss journey. So being the first of the month, perfect time to make a list of June goals to keep me motivated and accountable this month. Since June is the 6th Month, I am going to choose 6 goals.

1. Drink Water ( this is always on my list. I’ve been doing pretty good about drinking at least a gallon of water a day, it is still a chore but I need to stay on top of it.

2. Increase my running pace. I’m aiming for 9 minute miles.

3. Lose 6 pounds. 6 Is a weird number but I feel like its not too small of a goal, and not to high.(6 again, I know)

4. Practice pull ups at least 2x a week outside of crossfit. Only way I’m going to do things I can’t do is by practicing.

5. Meal prep! need to stay consistent.

6. Supplements. I always start off good and then forget to take them. Going to try and take all my supplements all 30 days this month!

Well,  wish me luck, hopefully June is my comeback month!