It is Sunday evening, the very end of this long and fulfilling Thanksgiving weekend, and I find myself in bed eating a slice of caramel cheesecake. I never even liked cheesecake, and now all the sudden I cannot get enough. Why can’t this happen with something else, like Brussel sprouts? Okay, aside from the cheesecake, I’ve made some other revelations this month, which I will get to, eventually.
After my gym challenge ended on the 9th, these past three weeks have been a ‘No scale’ November. I have not weighed myself in three weeks. I cannot tell you how liberating, and also how scary that is. At the end of my challenge I decided I needed to take a step back a second, and just enjoy life. I was obsessing over numbers, calories, and especially that darn scale. I was weighing myself multiple times a day, and upset over losing “only” 16 pounds in 8 weeks.
But my version of “just enjoying life” was an all out binge. One cheat meal turned into weeks.While these past few weeks have been a blast, I definitely am feeling the repercussions of my actions. Feeling it in the, my pants are getting snug kind of way. It was nice enjoying French fries, pizza, bread, and pasta so freely when I had been avoiding them for months. And alcohol, alcohol was fun too. But I definitely do not feel good. I feel bloated, sluggish, and tired. And that means it’s time to get back on the clean eating band wagon. Yeah, I know I already admitting I am in bed eating cheesecake, but naturally, I am “starting Monday”.
But something is different about this Monday. This Monday, for once, has nothing to do with the scale. I’m not quite how much damage I’ve done number wise, but this time the scale is not a motivating factor. Also, I am not burdened by this guilt I normally place on myself for being “bad”. This time I am solely am motivated this time by a desire to feel good.
I’ve decided to make an effort to not be as extreme, and to try to find a nice middle ground. I am not going to stay on this wild path, especially since I’ve worked so hard; but I am also not going to limit myself so strictly. In the past, I’ve either been hyper focused and obsessed with the scale, or I am balls to the wall gorging on the Hungry man special. Moderation, is clearly not my strong suit. But, thankfully, I have some great will power so that has got to count for something.
This journey has been a wild ride. My goals, and methods of achieving my goals are changing, and that’s okay. I am loving this lifestyle, and loving not only losing weight, but also in turn, I am also finding out how to love myself. Keeping the motto “it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon” close to my heart and taking things one day at a time. And that’s my thoughts for tonight.