I can’t 


I can’t.

I can’t exercise.

I can’t get to a gym.

I can’t do Crossfit- that’s for fit people.

I can’t stick to healthy diet.

I can’t run a 5k.

I can’t finish a Spartan race.

I can’t survive a Ragnar race.

I can’t lift heavy weights.

I can’t finish that workout.

I can’t lose weight.

I can’t lose the weight, again.

Click for post

Okay, you get the idea. This one is for all my fellow “can’t doers.” For anyone who has ever felt like I have. Who has ever thought their dreams were hopeless. Whoever just gave up. Whoever said “I just can’t”. This is just a short list of things I previously said I “can’t” do.   This was my mind set 4 years ago where I was over 230 pounds and in the worst mental and physical shape of my life. (Spoiler alert: , I’ve since  accomplished all of the above).

I truly believe “I can’t” is arguably the most severe form of human disability.
“I can’t” is a cover. It is an excuse. It is more like “I won’t or “I won’t even try. It is a reason for people not to do things they are afraid they might fail at. “I can’t” is rarely physical. “I can’t” is mental.

Over the course of my weight loss journey, and life beyond that, I have hindered myself using the words “I can’t”. I let it hold me back from trying a lot of things, and dismissing myself. “I can’t” is a slippery slope, and at times in my life I’ve found myself all the way at the bottom.

My life started to change when I changed just a few of my “I cant’s” to ” I can try’s.” I am not even going to sit here and say you can transition from thinking you can’t do something to a happy go lucky “I can do it!” attitude overnight, but if you take one small step into convincing yourself you can try something, you’ve won the battle.

Sometimes when I get discouraged, I reflect on where I came from. If had never tried to do any of those things above–I would have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities. The feelings of accomplishment I had crossing the finish line for my first 5k, to getting my finisher’s medal at the Spartan races, and setting goals and actually achieving are indescribable. These moments are what keep me going.

I conquered my fears little by little, step by step, just by trying to get better. I got over my fear of being the biggest person at the gym by just showing up. I got over my fear of being the last person to finish a run, by being happy that I finished it at all. I got over my fear of not being as good as everyone else, by stopping comparing myself to everyone and only competing with myself. I got over my fear of being too weak by promising myself to always give it my all. I got over my doubts about doing certain movements by scaling them down to something I could do until eventually I could progress.

If I  had never even tried, I would not be where I am today. If I never took those first steps, I would probably be in the same, self loathing, no confidence slump I was in. If I never started trying, little by little I would not be where I stand now: A happier, healthier version of myself who isn’t afraid to try to new things.
Some days are harder than others.

Some days I lack motivation, and confidence. Some days doubt creeps back into my mind. But trust me if you start by saying “I can try” instead of “I cant” no matter what it is in life, not just for your health, I promise you, you will find yourself doing things you never thought possible. And I can tell you from experience, there is nothing quite like that feeling.

But be careful if you start trying new things and actually doing things you only wished you could .. you might start feeling like a bad ass . And I guess that’s really not such a bad thing

As always if you made it this far, I love you!

For the love of burpees



Exactly 30 days ago I was sitting at the Cheesecake Factory with my friend enjoying a delicious cheat meal complete with margaritas, when my phone went off. My lovely cousin and tremendous supporter had messaged me about a challenge her gym was doing–30 burpees a day for 30 days. While admittedly, I hate burpees  I also can’t back down from a challenge–especially if there is a little tequila in me. So, after declaring I was officially “in” she failed to mention the challenge had started that day, and that I needed to do them that night for them to count. So, when I got home I did my due diligence and at 10:30 p.m. I did my first set of 30 burpees. It was rough, let me tell you.

See proof here!

I can honestly say as many diets I have started and failed, there has been challenges like this one I have attempted and never followed through. Sure the first few days are exciting. You envision yourself bearing the finely sculpted arms the arm challenges promises you at the end, or the buns of steals from a squat challenge, and  not to mention the abs you’ll get from the plank challenge. Then for me,  usually around day 4, motivation wanes, excuses take over, and before you know it you forgot you even tried to do it in the first place. But, this time, I felt compelled to follow through. This time, I wasn’t alone and had a group to support me, motivate me, and keep me accountable.

When first presented with this challenge—we were directed to this article.  I thought it was going to tell me that if I did these 30 burpees a day for 30 days, I would walk out with a transformed  super woman bod. Burpees work the whole body–would I walk away with toned arms, abs, and legs? But I gained a different perspective when reading the article. It wasn’t telling me how this would benefit my outward appearance. It told me how it could make me stronger, give me energy and feel empowered. Curious for my own results and feelings after completing this challenge, I was like oh hell yes, sign me up.  Running improved? I am not a runner, but anything to help me get better. More energy? I’ll take that. Feeling empowered? Can always use a dose of that.

Let me tell you what this challenge did for me.

  1. It gave me a lesson on consistency. Throughout my weight loss journey,  I have really struggled with staying consistent with things. I have had times of great motivation, but motivation doesn’t always stick. Consistency is what makes a difference. This challenge made me be consistent. I knew when I woke up every morning, completing these burpees was something I had to do before the day ended. Even on days I didn’t work out, I would still make sure I got these in.
  2. It made me feel bad ass (does that mean the same as empowered?) I felt awesome that even if I didn’t have a great day in the gym, or if my nutrition slacked a little bit I still had these 30 burpees under my belt. I still felt like I did something, and when I saw a burpee in a workout for that day, I didn’t get the feeling like I couldn’t do it like I used to. Now I knew, “I got this,” as opposed to “Ugh, I hope I can do that”.
  3. It challenged me. Another one of my weaknesses in this journey is that I often times get comfortable and don’t challenge myself enough. I would have never picked a burpee challenge on my own because it is not a movement I feel comfortable with or think I am good at. I would have chosen something I knew I would be able to do easily.  By doing these burpees, I challenged myself daily. It taught me to push myself more on a daily basis, and to get used to getting out of my comfort zone.

As much as this sounds like sunshine and rainbows, you know I like to keep it real. There were some days I absolutely did not want to do these burpees. These burpees were a daily chore .. like doing the dishes or feeding the goldfish. Things you don’t want to do, but you have to. I had days I felt like I would skip, or quit altogether.  But, here I stand at the finish line, a finisher’s trophy in hand and I have to honestly say I am glad I did it.

I hope to walk away and apply these lessons to my journey going forward. I hope to use this as way to be more consistent in my workouts and in my every day life. I hope to not lose my “bad ass-ness” feeling, and I hope to always find new ways to challenge myself. (Rumor has it, there’s another challenge starting soon my cousin will probably rope me into).

So, if you want to start to see small changes, start doing little things to challenge yourself every single day, and I promise it will get easier, you will feel better, and you will see results. Start small, but make sure you start at all. And most importantly, don’t give up!

Love you all~

ps, thanks Jen for your love and support always!



Being fat is hard

I just have to let this out there, so bear with me.


Being fat is hard.  As a person who has lived being fat her whole life, I can personally attest. Being fat is in its own category. You are discriminated not by some, but discriminated by all despite your sex, age, race, etc., whether intentionally or unintentionally. By nature, you stand out. In society, you really stand out. You are taught from a very young age being fat is bad. Being fat is wrong, and you should be ashamed about it, and fix it. You are taught if you are fat, you need to compensate for it somehow (“She’s fat, but she has pretty face. He’s fat, but he’s funny.” ) You are taught you don’t matter as much. You are taught you can be made fun of with no repercussions. You are taught that there is something wrong with you.

For me being fat was never being comfortable in my own skin. Constantly worried about standing out. About feeling “too big” in every room. Being fat was fearing pool parties or being invited to water park. Being fat was about fearing a chair couldn’t hold me, or I wouldn’t fit on a seat or in a booth.  About being afraid to eat anything other than salad in front of people (cause if you’re eating a salad, people can’t say you’re not trying right?” )Being fat meant crying after shopping with friends at the mall because you couldn’t fit into the same stores they were all shopping at.  Being fat meant countless days crying in the dressing room when I went back to stores for bigger girls with just my mom. Being fat was the fear of standing out in photos, or having photos taken of me at all.  Being fat meant being never noticed by a boy, ever and praying it stayed that way because you were “too fat” anyways.  Being fat was going to nutritionist after nutritionist, and never finding something that stuck, or worked. Being fat to me was being a failure.  Being fat to me was every single birthday  when  I blew out my birthday candles on my cake wishing in my head “I wish I was skinny”.Being fat to me used to be “waiting until I was skinny” for my life to start.

I’ll tell you what else is hard. Losing the weight.  For one thing people look at overweight people immediately judge them. They mockingly say “Geez, why don’t they just lay off the cheeseburgers and fast food” not knowing the struggle that person they have never met is  going through. “Just eat less, and workout,” as if they know your individual body composition and what works for you. Maybe that fat person whose expense you just laughed at just lost a family member and gained weight from depression. Or maybe they got injured. Or maybe they can look at a fat person and not know that just  before you saw them they had has just finished their first week of weight watchers, or lost 10 pounds already and have 50 to go. That they are in the beginning or middle of their journeys. They don’t know that they are actually really trying. Or they don’t know they just binged ate because they starved themselves all day because they’ve been made to feel they don’t deserve to eat.

Losing weight is hard when you look around and see thin people eating junk food without gaining weight and  receiving no judgments or health lessons while they do. Losing weight is hard when every exercise video you put on only features people working out with six packs. Losing weight is hard when you’ve tried every diet including starving yourself,  and nothing seems to work. Losing weight is hard when you have disease, or health issues that prevent you from losing or make it harder to do so. Losing weight is hard when people judge you who don’t know your story. Losing weight is hard when the world mocks you for trying, like when you see people take pictures of overweight people at the gym,  and make internet memes out of them. Losing weight is hard when you’re treated as less of a human being for the number you are on a scale.

So for my fellow fat people. Let me tell you something I learned. Not everyone in the world is going to love you. Not every person in the world is going treat you right. People will mock you to your face, they’ll mock you in photos on the internet.  Many people will treat you differently or without respect. But none of that matters. Yes it doesn’t matter, because at the end of the day the people making fun of you are dealing with their own insecurities that are rooted in something much deeper and harder to change than their outward appearance.

I’ll repeat. It doesn’t matter what the world thinks of you. It doesn’t matter if  the world judges you, (let em!). It doesn’t even matter what close friends, significant others, or family thinks of you either. The only person you need to worry about is yourself. You need to love yourself. You need to respect yourself. You need not to judge yourself. You need to take care of yourself. You need to treat yourself right. Because nobody else is going to do it for you. And once you start loving yourself, you’ve won half the battle.

So if you’re out there trying to lose weight,  don’t let other people’s negativity and ignorance bring you down. Don’t let it discourage you. Instead, use it a fuel for a fire and don’t let it burn out. Don’t do it for anyone else other than for yourself and to make yourself feel better and to get healthier. Do it because you love yourself.

In my own weight loss journey, I have found it is not just about losing the weight, but its about finding myself and finding comfort in my own skin. I’ve stopped “waiting until I was skinny” to enjoy and love my life.  Are there still days I cry in the dressing room, or feel judged if I don’t eat a salad in front of people? Absolutely. But I am getting better. This year on my birthday ,my candle wish was for “student loan forgiveness”.  I am no where near where I started on the inside mentally as much as I am not where I started in my outward appearance and hell I think that is a greater achievement.

Thanks for reading and for all the support I am so lucky to receive from so many people, love you all!

“Never Miss a Monday”



In the “Fitstagram” world, a popular mantra is “Never miss a Monday”. I wholeheartedly agree with the philosophy behind this sentiment. When you start your week off right on Monday in terms of organization, getting to the gym, eating right etc., you are more likely to continue in the same pattern throughout the week. From past experience, I do find this to be true. When I get it right on Monday, I am more likely to have a better week.

Now you may be sitting here thinking, “Why is she posting about Monday’s on a Thursday”. Well, I’ll tell you. We all hear “Never Miss a Monday” but nobody ever tells you what to do if you do. We are all human and sometimes, you WILL miss a Monday.

So what happens when you do? Here’s what I learned. Don’t wait until next Monday to try again.Make Tuesday your Monday. If you fail Tuesday, Make it Wednesday. Just do it! Don’t wait. Don’t put it off, don’t wait until after a birthday, holiday, special occasion, or Monday. Don’t take one missed opportunity and throw your goals away. Just make sure the next choice you make is a good one. Move on, don’t dwell, and keep going.

This week Thursday was my Monday. I set my alarm for 5 am every single morning this week and failed every single time. I am a morning person so for me when I miss my morning workout, it is detrimental to my day. First I feel like I failed, and get mad and disappointed at myself. Then my whole day is thrown off. You’d think with more time to sleep I’d have a good start, but in fact I have found the opposite. I get so much more done in the morning when  I workout and I don’t even understand fully why.

I’ve been in a bit of a workout slump lately. I am working out, but I feel like I am doing the bare minimum. I haven’t been pushing myself, just showing up.So this morning when I was finally able to get up and get a workout in, I was pumped.Even though it wasn’t long, I felt so much better today than I have all week. I wasn’t as sluggish, I had more energy and felt more positive.

So, what, you missed a Monday? We all do. We miss workouts, we miss meal prepping, we eat bad food sometimes, we lose motivation, we get negative, we lose our mojos. But what matters is that you don’t give up. You keep fighting and showing up and putting effort in to make the next choice a good one. Your motivation will come and go, It won’t always be easy, but giving up is never an option.

Did you miss Monday this week? Shake it off, tomorrow is a new day ! Get up and get after it.

-as always,Thanks for reading my rambles ❤ and if you don’t follow me @foreverlastingymclass on insta for my daily musings!


Food v. Fuel, what side are you on?

food is fuelffl_logo



As I sit here during this “blizzard”, binge watching Netflix, enjoying my second cup of joe, I’ve been pondering a lot about this controversial food topic. “Food is fuel”. I’ve heard this so many times, seen it on countless Instagram posts and have even used it as a mantra to myself to motivate me to stay on track while everyone around me is eating donuts and I am munchin’ on  almonds.

The concept is basically we are supposed to view food as fuel, not pleasure. “Eat to live, don’t live to eat”.To eat foods that fuel our bodies,  not foods that we want or enjoy necessarily (like pizza, or French fries, or nachos..or ok you get it). That food’s only purpose is to give us the right balance of carbs, fat and carbohydrates to sustain us, give us energy, get us through our work outs, and to keep our bodies healthy and alive.

I am just going to say it. I whole-heartedly disagree with this sentiment.This is just straight against the core of everything I believe in. Food is fuel, yes,(TECHNICALLY)  but food is way more than fuel, food is LIFE. I mean, if food was just fuel…would we even need taste buds? Would we have preferences (sweet v. savory, thin crust over thick, vanilla over chocolate)? Would we enjoy anything (Birthdays, celebrations, Friday night?) as much if we didn’t have the one thing that brings people together ?(GOOD FOOD!) Anyways, you get the idea.

Food is not the enemy. I believe the good Lord gave us food to enjoy, to savor, to delight in! Food is a huge part of life. And what is life if you can’t enjoy the foods you love to eat (even if they are “unhealthy”). The real enemy in all this is moderation. I truly believe you can “have your cake, and eat it too” if you just don’t eat the cake every single day. The 80/20 cliché is something I can stand behind, far more than “food is fuel”.  Am I saying I believe you should just eat what you want all the time, absolutely not. I truly believe in taking care of your body and feeding it healthy foods, majority of the time.  I am just saying you don’t have to eliminate the foods you love, just control how much and how often you have them.

Anyone who knows me knows I love food. But I also love feeling healthy. So, admittedly I envy those who stocked up on  snacks and goodies for this storm while I inwardly commend myself for stocking my fridge with veggies and boring old lean meat (and of course my artic zero ice cream, wasn’t going to completely forgo this snow day tradition). I chose to do so to stay on track with my goals. Also, I have an epic cheat meal planned in 10 days, and that’s enough for me to resist temptation!

I know if some trainer read this, or some health buff they would disagree, but for all my fellow food lovers out there, can I get an amen? If I had to correct this catch phrase It would totally say “Food is not JUST food”.

(Disclaimer: not all healthy food is bland and boring either, I make some pretty slammin’ healthy meals…not knocking the veggies or anything..my point is you should be able to enjoy food).

End rant.

Happy snow (rain/sleet) day! And always, if you made it this far, I love you!!





snow day & struggles



(Okay, this picture has nothing to do with this post, but it got you to look didn’t it? and the fates must have aligned because what pairs better with this snow day than pizza? Omg, what I would do for pizza…)

So its been a while since I wrote a blog post …but don’t worry I haven’t derailed my journey completely. Just had a few detours and bumps along the way (okay, all out of train puns).

So pretty much since my last blog post nothing too huge has happened.. let’s see.. I’ve gained some weight back, Christmas came and went, along with New Years and resolutions,  I got my own apartment,  I chopped off all my hair…e.t.c.,  but other than that same old girl, same old mission.

I found myself frustrated and unhappy because I gained some weight back and anyone who has been through this before knows how awful it feels to gain back something you worked so hard (and I mean truly hard) to lose. But with every gain is a lesson.

But before I learned this lesson, instead of doing what I knew would work, I looked for faster methods. I wanted a fresh slate, to get the weight off me as fast as possible so that I can continue to work on my goals. I just wanted to get back to where I was and go from there. I didn’t want to start over, I wanted a re-do. (It took me some time to realize that life doesn’t work like that).  I wanted to get it off again quickly so that I wouldn’t see people I hadn’t seen in a bit and them to think “Wow, she gained all that weight she lost back). It let me to a desperate road. Ill spare you the details, but I’ll give you an example. Like for instance, I tried this awful shake diet that I won’t mention  the name, but I was eating two 50 calorie shakes for breakfast and lunch and  about 3 ounces of shrimp for dinner. Yup . That’s it. (Let me tell you this resulted in me having a mental breakdown in the Edge parking lot, followed by ordering Chinese take out, and hitting the Mcdonald’s drive-thru on the way home after about 2 and half weeks in).

Then I tried to be just be healthier, but slowly  I fell back into old habits. I didn’t have any food plan then my workouts got fewer and before ya know it at the end of December I was a big hot mess.

Now I know how cliché this is, but come New Years, I was ready to undo the mistakes of 2016. Even if it meant I had to do it slower than I wanted, but the right way.  I hit 2017 with a vengeance  and I think I finally relit the fire inside me. I feel motivated and inspired again, and I am doing it for me. I am not doing any crash diets. I am also not killing or depriving myself. I am eating real (yummy) portion controlled foods and working out hard in the gym. Another thing that sucks about gaining weight and losing your way on this journey is the workouts. I felt discouraged in the gym because I couldn’t lift what I used to be able to, or my endurance was dramatically lowered. But just like losing weight, that all comes back over time as a benefit of consistently making good choices.

I feel happier, healthier, and overall better. I am far, far , away  from where I want to be, but I feel like I am back on the right track. I may have moments of weakness and may or not be fantasizing about my next cheat meal on a daily basis, but I am working hard every day to make good choices. I human, so it’s inevitable that I will continue to make mistakes and have set backs but it doesn’t matter how many times you mess up, just that you never give up.

And with that, my silence is broken. Hopefully it won’t be as long as a hiatus from my next post. As always, if you got this far, I love you!




Back to basics

After my  2 hour therapy session yesterday, I mean….meeting with a nutritionist, I realized I was eating all the wrong things.

I used to declare myself the master label reader. I can rattle calories, and nutrition facts off that I’ve memorized from about 10 years of calorie counting. But, after last night I was dethroned.

I used to count calories in general. Then I switched to macro-counting, which is just focusing on the macronutrients protein, fat, and carbohydrates. Both of these are useful, but not always the end all tell all of the nutritional value of food.

We dissecting the foods I was eating, and I realized a majority of the food I was eating was full of over processed and potentially harmful chemicals. I tried to find quick fixes, lower fat, low calories, that I was eating all artificial foods.

I was taught scientifically how our body can’t always handle these foreign entities we put in our bodies. The scariest thing that I learned was that we are quite literally made up of what we eat.

Basically, the lesson here. When you go grocery shopping look at the label. Hidden underneath calories, serving sizes, and nutrient content, is the ingredients list. This is a key factor that I personally always overlooked. If it has a long list of ingredients you cannot pronounce-chances are its not good for you!  Look for foods that have low list of ingredients, and ones you can decipher what is actually in it.

Choose natural foods. Foods, vegetables, grass fed proteins, choose organic, choose real. I guarantee you will start to feel the health benefits, feel satisfied, reduce inflammation, and lose and maintain your weight loss.

I am not going to give up counting calroies or macronutrients, but I sure am going to pay more attention to ingredients to make the best decisions for my weight loss and goals.


Wake me up when September ends..


OH crap. It’s already gone.


September came and went and it seemed to go by in a blink of the eye. As I sit and drink my pumpkin coffee (Yay fall!) and reflect on my September goals,  I am happy to say I have certainly hit most of them.

  • Drink more water (100 ounces a day)
  • Get to the gym ( at least 5 days per week)
  • Focus on form (building my strength back) ..still got to work on this one more.
  • Meal Prep (less  poor decisions)
  • Cooking/Learn new recipes (eating out less)
  • Less snacking (especially at work

and, I am also down 8 and half pounds from September 1st. It took  a lot of mental anguish to be pleased with this number because I am still up from where I was, but I am making peace with it. Life happens, and it doesn’t matter how many times you fall but how many times you get back up.

I feel like I am finding my way to achieve balance, which is something I struggle with. Typically, I am either 100% strict or completely off the rails. This month I tried to stay consistent with eating clean and working out 5 times a week, but to keep sane I had a weekly  cheat meal. Instead of  binge eating whatever I wanted and call it a cheat meal, I planned things out and made concise decisions, ( that McDonald’s run at 1 am counts as a concise decision right?). I wasn’t perfect, nor do  I ever hope to be but I am getting better.

For October, my goals are pretty much the same as September. Cooking most of my meals, drinking lots of water, meal preppin, working out. I mean September was a pretty good month, so why fix what’s not broken right?

Besides all the external things about “getting back on track” like the workouts, meal preps, and water, I also have a lot of internal bugs to work out. I struggle mentally every day with my weight and it is always on my mind. My goal is not to be a certain number on the scale (even though I can obsess over it and have been known to smash scales) but to be comfortable in my own skin and be free of the burden it literally weighs on me. I hope to one day be able to enjoy things without disecting every calorie in it, and to enjoy things like birthdays, showers,  lunches at work,or just a friday night out with friends without feeling guilty or constantly thinking about my least favorite F word.

I do better when I set mini goals (like 4 weeks) and try to crush it than when I look at the big goal and feel overwhelmed. Here’s to another four weeks of smashing goals ( and hopefully no scales),  smashing calories, smashing pumpkins, and enjoying the best time of the year.

Thanks for reading~ (if you made it this far) and follow me on instagram @foreverlastingymclass




September Goals

september goals

September is a great month to begin a new.

Summer is tough to stick to a plan with traveling, parties, and lots of celebrations. Although I am not an advocate for excuses, it is possible, but I am not going to deny it is difficult.

As this summer comes to a close, I am full of emotions. There has been a lot of happy moments, sad moments, and life changes, but overall I kind of put my health on the back burner. Life happens, and I am not going to sit around and think of what I could have done differently. My own fitness journey has never been a straight line, it has had plenty of ups and downs, twists and turns.

September and Fall always reminds me of getting back into a routine. Even though I am no longer in school, this month always feels like a fresh start  and new beginning, much more so than January in my opinion.

So this month, I am going to go back to basics and make monthly goals, that way I have something to hold myself accountable for at the end of the month.

S0 without further ado I will share with you my own September goals:

  • Drink more water (100 ounces a day)
  • Get to the gym ( at least 5 days per week)
  • Focus on form (building my strength back)
  • Meal Prep (less  poor decisions)
  • Cooking/Learn new recipes (eating out less)
  • Less snacking (especially at work)

I challenge anyone reading this to make their own goals for September. It doesn’t have to be fitness related, but sometimes it is good to remind ourselves we can set a goal, and achieve it. And nothing feels better than working toward something you wanted, and actually getting it. Before this journey I really lacked confidence of any sort, but once I started seeing results, I got hooked. Success can be addicting.

Figure out what you want in life, and go out and get it!




Consistency (or lack thereof)



Okay, so I have finally pinpointed my biggest problem. And, I’m about to get super real.

To get to this point, it took a lot of denial, fad diets,  and visits to the doctor to try and diagnose me with SOMETHING , anything other than myself I could blame, or attribute my weight loss stall to. Something I could scream to the world, ” AHA! something is wrong with me, I told you so! “But, other than a frustratingly slow metabolism and a referral for a nutritionist (AGAIN) I was granted a clean bill of health.

Now, of course this is a wonderful thing. I am healthy and that is something I am very grateful for. But it made me realize, I don’t have any excuses to use.  Forces outside of my control aren’t causing me to gain weight. This is in internal problem, and an internal solution must be made. Simply, something I am doing is wrong, and I just need to correct it.

I harp on and on about not knowing how to deal with moderation but consequently I overlooked my biggest problem, which is consistency (take this blog–two weeks ago I declared a new post every Monday, and here it is Friday (oops).  I tried to think back to my mind set when I first started this weight loss journey, my 230 pound self, and she was not only  a lot stronger than me, she was CONSISTENT. She did not falter. She did not use EVERY single holiday, birthday (which in my family is every weekend), office party, Friday night,etc, to derail and fly off the bandwagon. She stuck to her goals, and she (I know its crazy, )  survived. She lived while substituting lettuce for rolls and sipping seltzer at the bar. Because she was working toward a goal she was slowing obtaining. She was making small goals every month and crushing them.

Fast forward to present  day, where I find myself clinging to old habits. I find myself killing myself at the gym( 3 times a day sometimes), but then fueling my body with the wrong foods and wondering why the scale wouldn’t move or my pants were still tight. Or working my ass off for a whole week, then blowing it all away not only Friday night, but sometimes Saturday and Sunday too. I was back to “start again on Monday” mentality. I am giving into temptation at any moment, and not making concise decisions.

But, thanks to a little wake up call and my old pal motivation, I feel my fire coming back. To prove to myself that I can do it, I am going to stay consistent (no cheats) for the next 45 days. It won’t be easy, I will be tempted. But by taking it  one day at a time, and I will be thankful in the end. There is no tomorrow, or Monday’s waiting for me. There are no more “special occasions” or obstacles in my way. It  is only 12% of my year ( I swear I actually did math for that) And it will be well over before Thanksgiving (Thank God I got my hot dog fix over with at the 4th of July).

Time to set goals, and crush them again. Since I technically did start Monday. 5 days down, 40 to go.