Wake me up when September ends..

OH crap. It’s already gone.

September came and went and it seemed to go by in a blink of the eye. As I sit and drink my pumpkin coffee (Yay fall!) and reflect on my September goals,  I am happy to say I have certainly hit most of them.

• Drink more water (100 ounces a day)
• Get to the gym ( at least 5 days per week)
• Focus on form (building my strength back) ..still got to work on this one more.
• Meal Prep (less  poor decisions)
• Cooking/Learn new recipes (eating out less)
• Less snacking (especially at work

and, I am also down 8 and half pounds from September 1st. It took  a lot of mental anguish to be pleased with this number because I am still up from where I was, but I am making peace with it. Life happens, and it doesn’t matter how many times you fall but how many times you get back up.

I feel like I am finding my way to achieve balance, which is something I struggle with. Typically, I am either 100% strict or completely off the rails. This month I tried to stay consistent with eating clean and working out 5 times a week, but to keep sane I had a weekly  cheat meal. Instead of  binge eating whatever I wanted and call it a cheat meal, I planned things out and made concise decisions, ( that McDonald’s run at 1 am counts as a concise decision right?). I wasn’t perfect, nor do  I ever hope to be but I am getting better.

For October, my goals are pretty much the same as September. Cooking most of my meals, drinking lots of water, meal preppin, working out. I mean September was a pretty good month, so why fix what’s not broken right?

Besides all the external things about “getting back on track” like the workouts, meal preps, and water, I also have a lot of internal bugs to work out. I struggle mentally every day with my weight and it is always on my mind. My goal is not to be a certain number on the scale (even though I can obsess over it and have been known to smash scales) but to be comfortable in my own skin and be free of the burden it literally weighs on me. I hope to one day be able to enjoy things without disecting every calorie in it, and to enjoy things like birthdays, showers,  lunches at work,or just a friday night out with friends without feeling guilty or constantly thinking about my least favorite F word.

I do better when I set mini goals (like 4 weeks) and try to crush it than when I look at the big goal and feel overwhelmed. Here’s to another four weeks of smashing goals ( and hopefully no scales),  smashing calories, smashing pumpkins, and enjoying the best time of the year.

Thanks for reading~ (if you made it this far) and follow me on instagram @foreverlastingymclass