Consistency (or lack thereof)

Okay, so I have finally pinpointed my biggest problem. And, I’m about to get super real.

To get to this point, it took a lot of denial, fad diets,  and visits to the doctor to try and diagnose me with SOMETHING , anything other than myself I could blame, or attribute my weight loss stall to. Something I could scream to the world, ” AHA! something is wrong with me, I told you so! “But, other than a frustratingly slow metabolism and a referral for a nutritionist (AGAIN) I was granted a clean bill of health.

Now, of course this is a wonderful thing. I am healthy and that is something I am very grateful for. But it made me realize, I don’t have any excuses to use.  Forces outside of my control aren’t causing me to gain weight. This is in internal problem, and an internal solution must be made. Simply, something I am doing is wrong, and I just need to correct it.

I harp on and on about not knowing how to deal with moderation but consequently I overlooked my biggest problem, which is consistency (take this blog–two weeks ago I declared a new post every Monday, and here it is Friday (oops).  I tried to think back to my mind set when I first started this weight loss journey, my 230 pound self, and she was not only  a lot stronger than me, she was CONSISTENT. She did not falter. She did not use EVERY single holiday, birthday (which in my family is every weekend), office party, Friday night,etc, to derail and fly off the bandwagon. She stuck to her goals, and she (I know its crazy, )  survived. She lived while substituting lettuce for rolls and sipping seltzer at the bar. Because she was working toward a goal she was slowing obtaining. She was making small goals every month and crushing them.

Fast forward to present  day, where I find myself clinging to old habits. I find myself killing myself at the gym( 3 times a day sometimes), but then fueling my body with the wrong foods and wondering why the scale wouldn’t move or my pants were still tight. Or working my ass off for a whole week, then blowing it all away not only Friday night, but sometimes Saturday and Sunday too. I was back to “start again on Monday” mentality. I am giving into temptation at any moment, and not making concise decisions.

But, thanks to a little wake up call and my old pal motivation, I feel my fire coming back. To prove to myself that I can do it, I am going to stay consistent (no cheats) for the next 45 days. It won’t be easy, I will be tempted. But by taking it  one day at a time, and I will be thankful in the end. There is no tomorrow, or Monday’s waiting for me. There are no more “special occasions” or obstacles in my way. It  is only 12% of my year ( I swear I actually did math for that) And it will be well over before Thanksgiving (Thank God I got my hot dog fix over with at the 4th of July).

Time to set goals, and crush them again. Since I technically did start Monday. 5 days down, 40 to go.