snow day & struggles

(Okay, this picture has nothing to do with this post, but it got you to look didn’t it? and the fates must have aligned because what pairs better with this snow day than pizza? Omg, what I would do for pizza…)

So its been a while since I wrote a blog post …but don’t worry I haven’t derailed my journey completely. Just had a few detours and bumps along the way (okay, all out of train puns).

So pretty much since my last blog post nothing too huge has happened.. let’s see.. I’ve gained some weight back, Christmas came and went, along with New Years and resolutions,  I got my own apartment,  I chopped off all my hair…e.t.c.,  but other than that same old girl, same old mission.

I found myself frustrated and unhappy because I gained some weight back and anyone who has been through this before knows how awful it feels to gain back something you worked so hard (and I mean truly hard) to lose. But with every gain is a lesson.

But before I learned this lesson, instead of doing what I knew would work, I looked for faster methods. I wanted a fresh slate, to get the weight off me as fast as possible so that I can continue to work on my goals. I just wanted to get back to where I was and go from there. I didn’t want to start over, I wanted a re-do. (It took me some time to realize that life doesn’t work like that).  I wanted to get it off again quickly so that I wouldn’t see people I hadn’t seen in a bit and them to think “Wow, she gained all that weight she lost back). It let me to a desperate road. Ill spare you the details, but I’ll give you an example. Like for instance, I tried this awful shake diet that I won’t mention  the name, but I was eating two 50 calorie shakes for breakfast and lunch and  about 3 ounces of shrimp for dinner. Yup . That’s it. (Let me tell you this resulted in me having a mental breakdown in the Edge parking lot, followed by ordering Chinese take out, and hitting the Mcdonald’s drive-thru on the way home after about 2 and half weeks in).

Then I tried to be just be healthier, but slowly  I fell back into old habits. I didn’t have any food plan then my workouts got fewer and before ya know it at the end of December I was a big hot mess.

Now I know how cliché this is, but come New Years, I was ready to undo the mistakes of 2016. Even if it meant I had to do it slower than I wanted, but the right way.  I hit 2017 with a vengeance  and I think I finally relit the fire inside me. I feel motivated and inspired again, and I am doing it for me. I am not doing any crash diets. I am also not killing or depriving myself. I am eating real (yummy) portion controlled foods and working out hard in the gym. Another thing that sucks about gaining weight and losing your way on this journey is the workouts. I felt discouraged in the gym because I couldn’t lift what I used to be able to, or my endurance was dramatically lowered. But just like losing weight, that all comes back over time as a benefit of consistently making good choices.

I feel happier, healthier, and overall better. I am far, far , away  from where I want to be, but I feel like I am back on the right track. I may have moments of weakness and may or not be fantasizing about my next cheat meal on a daily basis, but I am working hard every day to make good choices. I human, so it’s inevitable that I will continue to make mistakes and have set backs but it doesn’t matter how many times you mess up, just that you never give up.

And with that, my silence is broken. Hopefully it won’t be as long as a hiatus from my next post. As always, if you got this far, I love you!