Anyone else feel like this? I know I do. As we enter a new year, I am feeling a mix of emotions. I feel excited for a “fresh start”. I feel hope for the future and the unknown. I feel thankful for my health, my friends, and my family. But I also can’t help but feel a bit like a failure.
As I reflect on 2017, like every year, it certainly had its ups and downs. I had been so close to my goal—I could literally see the finish line–then somehow I took a left turn, fell down, and went back in the wrong direction.
Even writing this feels really vulnerable. I set up this account on my own–choosing to put my fitness journey in the public eye–without thinking about what it would be like if I didn’t succeed. People would tell me I was inspiring them. Me? Inspiring? That was never my intention–but an amazing added bonus! It felt good to work on my goals and make progress, and at the same time encourage others as well.
While I am still doing this for me, for my own accountability-it feels embarrassing when I have to admit my setbacks or face the reality of my mistakes. I feel like a let down. I feel the opposite of inspiring.
I guess what it comes down to is, I like to keep this journey real. You can go on Instagram and see thousands of people posting their journeys every day–so happy and peppy and full of mojo. But do any of those people have bad days? Do they ever feel discouraged? Feel like giving up? Sick of the kale? It would seem like no, but I’ll bet they do.
This is the ugly side of this journey. You don’t always feel motivated. You have setbacks. You sometimes wonder if its even worth it anymore. But the only thing that matters, I’ve learned, is to not give up. Even if you fall down a thousand times–what counts is that you get back up. Keep going…especially when you don’t want to.
This morning I debated about stepping on the scale. I’ve been in the mindset lately that I don’t need to weigh myself to know where I am at. I can tell by how I feel and how I look and I think that those things are more important than the number I truly do, even if it took my years to get to this point. I also didn’t want to step on for fear of a mental breakdown. I know I’ve gained some weight–but was I prepared to know how much?
Finally, I put my big girl sweatpants on, armed myself with coffee and just did it. I am definitely disappointed by the number. However-it is still 20 pounds less than what I weighed in January last year. I could have gained 20 pounds–or more but I am still technically down 20 pounds and that isn’t so bad. Still 50 pounds down from the beginning of my journey. Sometimes its easy to get wrapped up in the negatives and negative thinking–but focusing on the positives truly helps.
My goals for 2018 aren’t numbers on a scale. Yes–I have weight to lose but that is not my main focus. My goals this year are strength–balance–moderation–and mindset.
If I can get my mind set in the right place and really grasp how to handle moderation and balance than I think I will be way more successful long term than just trying to chase numbers on a scale. I also think it would be cool to get my strength back in the gym and feel strong again.
Stay tuned and thanks for reading as always! -follow me on my journey and join me if you want! If you wanna see more–follow my Instagram foreverlastingymclass