I am sitting in my favorite local café writing this, with a big hoodie on, my 10 year old UGG boots, and with hot cup of butternut squash and apple soup.
This can only mean one thing-it is officially ‘fall’ and I officially haven’t updated this thing since August (oops). After my surgery I kind of got de-railed and have been on and off my fitness game ever since. But that’s life and things don’t always go as we plan, no matter how hard we try.
I can’t believe there are only 59 days left of this year. Even though there is just about two months left–I can say my mindset has shifted several times this year. The goals I had made in my head in January most likely won’t be reached–and that is okay. And some of my goals themselves has changed, and that is okay too. I used to be so afraid of change–but lately I have been trying to embrace it.
I have been on this journey for four years and have had so many ups and down and in-betweens. I have spent periods of time excessively counting every single macronutrient I put into my body and making sure I ran in place by my bed until I burned enough calories or got enough steps daily. I would pass on every single treat or cheat and had points where my self control was unbreakable–to a fault. Then this was usually followed by a complete binge fest of eating whatever I wanted and anything in sight, going to the gym whenever I felt like (which when you are eating like that, is never) and I found myself in a cycle that wasn’t healthy and ultimately self-loathing.
Since my surgery, something I thought was a total disaster and bump in the road, I truly feel like it may have been my greatest learning opportunity so far. I was forced out of my comfort zone and had to take a step back. Before my surgery I was weighing myself every single day, multiple times a week and extremely hard on myself if I didn’t lose weight.
The past three months I have barely weighed myself. But when I have, I noticed I stayed around the same (admittedly about 10-15 pounds heavier that pre-surgery), which for me is a huge deal since I have spent so much of my life in a constant up- and down manner. I have been exercising trying to eat as best as I could– but still indulging when I wanted (which sometimes is too frequently). But I do have to say this is the closest I’ve come to “balance” in a long time.
I have always been on one end of the extreme either 100% committed or completely off track, which is not sustainable. I am now realizing that to make this lifestyle sustainable for me I need to work extra hard to find that balance of fitness, health, and happiness.
With that said, there is ALWAYS room for improvement and ways to better yourself and I think that is something everyone should strive for everyday, in any aspect of their life. So, I still have goals to set and achieve but instead of focusing on that finish line as a meter for when I will be “happy” I am going to do my best to enjoy the ride and be happy even if I am not where I want to be yet. I am not going to miss out on things I want to do because I didn’t hit a goal yet or lose x number of pounds.
With these last 59 days my new goals are going to focusing more on strength as opposed to just losing weight. I do have some weight to lose but I found that when I set strength goals such as a new PR in the gym or finishing a 5k faster than my last time, that was when I truly felt accomplished and I haven’t felt that in a while.
So here’s to the last few months of 2017, use these last 59 days to accomplish something you wanted to at the beginning of the year. I am going to try my best to reach some goals, and set some new ones. I signed up for a 5K on Saturday–so that is going to suck since I haven’t run but I am ready!
As always if you made it this far I truly love you and thanks for reading my rambles.