I originally wasn’t going to post this because I don’t see too much difference but this is August 2019 v August 2020. Between these two pics is just about 30 pounds. It was a very slow drop compared to the past. But I guess this is one before and after that I am happier about mental change v. physical change and that is also worth acknowledging. Call it a different type of “Transformation Tuesday” or whatever the cool kids say.
Last August I had crept back up to one of my heaviest weights since I started my weight loss journey..just 20 pounds shy from my starting weight. When I allowed myself to finally face this reality, I was devastated. I was really depressed and down and disappointed that I had gotten back to that point. So, I just basically started again from the top.
My weight loss journey has always been about losing weight with the intent of being healthier, but If I am being honest I cared more about the scale than anything else even if I didn’t always admit it. I just keep thinking once I hit my goal weight I will be happy and then my life can really start. It led it to a vicious cycle of me being “all in” or “all out”. I’d be “all in” and allow myself no room for error or moderation. I’d lose weight pretty quickly (I once lost almost 30 pounds In 8 weeks but ended up losing my gallbladder too 😂) and then when I was “off” I would binge and go crazy. I’d work my butt off and restrict myself with unsustainable diets with the end goal of having all the things I “couldn’t eat “and then reward myself with it. I learned the hard way that that doesn’t work for me. The craziest part is I really thought it was healthy! And because I was losing weight, I am sure others believed it was too, but honestly there is nothing healthy about that toxic cycle or doing things in a drastic way just to lose weight.
It wasn’t until I started losing weight slower and really focusing on making healthy living my lifestyle and not just chasing numbers on the scale that I really understood what moderation meant. I started my nutrition program last September and it really has changed the way I view food. I love learning about how it actually fuels our body and how what we eat influences our overall health so dramatically. I learned that it is not just calories in v. out (and yes that works for just weight loss) but what we eat and how much of it that really matters. Do I want to be a healthier weight Yes. Do I want my clothes to fit better ? Yes. But most importantly I just really want to be healthy, and the best and happiest version of me.
I still struggle and I am no where I want to be or even where I was but I truly believe I have a better mindset now and am ok with the slower loss if it means I am going to create a healthy lifestyle and include moderation verses going through the weight loss/gain cycle over and over. I don’t want to have to “diet” but I want to make my everyday diet one that I am able to enjoy but also be healthy not because I hate myself, but because I love myself and want to treat myself and body with love. I want to work out because I get to, not because I “have to”. I want to do it because it makes me feel good and because it is good for me, not as a punishment for being fat.
My point is… it’s not all about number on a scale. And I know all about scales trust me, I have 4. It’s about feeling good on the inside and outside and creating a healthy life that is sustainable for you.
Thanks for reading and all your continued support on this journey and know I’d you never need any .. I got you!