Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions for me. First, I was ecstatic, because when I woke up and weighed in I was at my goal weight for my March Dietbet. With $150 on the line, and not the easiest time dropping numbers this month, it was really surprising to me that I won. Then, I went to my 6 am crossfit class, and coming off the high from the morning, I was brought back down again by a terrible “R & R” WOD of running and rowing, which reminded me why the title of my blog is “Forever Last in Gym Class”. I struggled through the runs, and may have been behind everyone else, BUT I’m pretty sure (at least in my mind’s eye) the gap between me and everyone else..is closing every so slightly.
I then went to work and received a text message from an old friend who has been following my posts and she told me how much I was inspiring her. It really was an awesome thing to hear, especially because I still feel hesitant being so open about my journey and posting so much. But to hear that I actually am inspiring people, is pretty amazing and in turn inspires me and makes me want to keep going.
Followed by another incident at work that really brought me down. I was washing my hands in the bathroom when a woman who works across the hall smiled at me, and asked me if I was “expecting?” I was so caught off guard that it didn’t register right away that she thought I was pregnant. My immediate reaction was “expecting what?” When it hit me what she meant, I’m pretty sure my face turned as red as a tomato from embarrassment. When I politely told her no, she continued by asking me, “Are you sure, because it looks like you are working on a baby” She didn’t apologize nor seem like it was a rude, or potentially hurtful comment to make. I honestly don’t think she meant to insult me or meant any harm, but people rarely realize the impact of their words. At first I was angry, insulted, and well, a little hurt. I thought about how hard I’ve been working and then for a complete stranger to accuse me of having a beach ball under my shirt, (okay, she said baby) is pretty discouraging. But then I realized, that’s all she was, a complete stranger who just didn’t know. She didn’t know I’ve struggled with my weight and self esteem my whole life. She didn’t know I have already lost 60 pounds, and she didn’t know that I’m in the process of working on bettering myself. So I can’t be angry, and though I’m not going to lie and say my feelings weren’t a little bruised.
Instead of harping on this, I’m going to do my best to not only shrug it off but to turn this negative experience into a positive one. We all needed to be grounded sometimes. That woman made me realize how much we have an impact on others, and how our words and actions not only affect ourselves, but those around us. So instead of beating myself up, I am going to continue to use my words and actions to inspire others, and in the meantime make myself better. I won’t let her words affect me, instead I’ll use them as fuel to keep working harder!
And yeah, I’ve officially signed up for the April Dietbet. I may have a gambling problem. Lets bring it April!
These are just a few of the nice comments I’ve received. Thank you thank you all so much for the support! you have no idea what it means to me!